Apostle Paul’s in his letter to the church at Ephesus sheds clarity to this subject as he addresses the subject of Marriage—Christ and the Church in Ephesians 5:25-33
He said;
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
God said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him”.
God expect men to acknowledge that their wives are not just companions but helpers along this journey of life and that they are to be treated honorably.
Since the day mankind was created, the devil has continued to work hard to destroy families and especially marriages. His whole intent is to get rid of God’s original plan for family.
Genesis 2:22-25; “Then the Lord God made a WOMAN from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of a man.” For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame… “
NOTE: The Bible says that after God created Eve “He brought her to the man. And Adam said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.’ . . . Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:22-24). God gave man the responsibility of taking care of his family.
Does the Bible allow a Christian husband to treat his wife any way he decides is best? Does a Christian wife have to submit to her husband at all times? The apostle Paul has the following to say to Christian husbands and wives regarding their conduct toward each other:
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Eph. 5:24)
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Eph. 5:33)
The Greek word for “submit” in Ephesians 5:21–24 is hypotassó, which refers to a wife’s “recognition of an ordered structure” in which her husband is the person to whom she should show appropriate respect “as to the Lord” (BDAG, 1042; Eph. 5:22; see also 1 Pet. 3:1–6). Similarly, the Greek word for “respect” in Ephesians 5:33 is phobētai, which means to have a profound measure of reverence/respect for someone (BDAG, 1061).
While some Christians have wrongly used these Bible verses as an excuse for husbands to mistreat their wives, the verses actually communicate the vast responsibility a husband has to care for his wife and the wife’s duty to honor her husband.
The six Biblical things that every Christian husband should give his wife:
1. Love
A Christian husband should love his wife as he does himself and always protect her from all harm (Eph. 5:25–29). He should do his best to “nurture and cherish” his wife in the love of Christ as he would his own flesh and tend to her spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical needs (Eph. 5:29; Col. 3:19).
2. Respect
A Christian husband should always respect his wife. When Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands in Ephesians 5:24, he does not mean that wives must endure abuse, neglect, or mistreatment of any kind by their husbands. Rather, Paul is reminding the church that a wife is under the leadership of her husband (Eph. 5:23). A Christian husband must always show his wife honor, both publicly and privately, and protect her dignity and reputation from any and all slander (1 Pet. 3:7).
3. Spiritual Leadership
A Christian husband should provide his wife with spiritual leadership. Even though his wife may be well equipped in biblical doctrine and application and spend a considerable amount of time instructing their children in the faith, a husband must be diligent to oversee and guide the spiritual training of his family (Eph. 6:4).
4. Attention
A Christian husband should be attentive to his wife. He should always do his best to set aside a substantial amount of time to be with his wife, enjoy her company, and seek to understand her better. In doing so, a Christian husband and his wife can grow closer to each other and build a stronger marriage that honors God in all (Prov. 5:18–19; Eph. 5:31).
5. Devotion
A Christian husband should always be faithful to his wife. Even when times are difficult due to financial, emotional, or physical challenges, a husband’s personal happiness must always be subordinated to sacrificially loving his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25; see also 1 Cor. 7:1–5). In doing so, he honors not only his wife but also his Lord.
6. Enjoyment
A Christian husband should enjoy his wife. She is a precious gift from God given to comfort, support, encourage, and love her husband (Prov. 18:22; 31:10–12; 1 Pet. 3:1). The more a husband values, cherishes, and nurtures his wife, the more she will reflect God’s love as his radiant bride.
MARRIED LIFE: How a husband ought to treat his wife
In order for the husband to treat and love his wife the right way, he needs to understand her general needs. Some of the needs that women have are;
- A woman needs to be cherished. She needs to feel like a princess.
- A Woman needs to feel like her husband is her best friend, Her teammate.
- A woman needs to feel wanted and needed. A woman will feel useless if she is not made to feel important.
- A woman needs to feel like her value is appreciated and needed.
- A woman needs to feel safe and secure.
- A woman needs to know that she can rely on her husband to provide for her and protect her.
- A woman needs to feel connected. This means having an open communication with her husband, so she’s not out of the loop.
A husband can use his kind of love language to show his wife love, but the disconnect happens when he doesn’t use the wife’s love language. In order for him to connect with his wife the same level of love, he may need to show love to her in her love language. If the husband does NOT know his wife’s love language, it could be a big issue. Spouses needs to discuss their love language openly.
When you do NOT communicate your love language properly, it is like two people speaking two different languages. Imagine speaking to your husband in French and him speaking to you in Arabic. That would be a confusing conversation. You wouldn’t understand each other at all. This is what happens when two people don’t know what their love languages are and are using the wrong language. Make sure each one of you knows what other’s love language is.
There is a lot that a husband can say or do to show his love for the wife but if it does not meet the wife’s desire, it is in vain. A candlelit dinner with roses is nice is empty if the wife does not feel secure in the marriage relationship. The point is that the biggest nicest gestures could be hollow if the basic needs are not met.
A wife’s need being met is like the cake and the nice unexpected gifts to the her are like the icing on the cake.
Unfortunately, men don’t always understand what their wife’s needs are. It is therefore the responsibility of the wife to communicate those needs and help their husbands understand them. You really might have to tell him directly how to do it. Here’s the thing, Women can be complicated to men, so by being direct about what you need helps a great deal.
If you don’t feel loved by your husband, look at what he does do to show love. If you’re looking for it you are more likely to find it. Find your love language and share with him so that he can use it to show love more effectively. Sit down and tell him what your basic needs are and help him meet them. Sometimes you need to be really direct with men. But as you do these things you will begin to feel a better connection and will grow closer together.
Let us now look at “The five love languages according to Dr. Gary Chapman”
Gary Chapman, Ph. D., is the author of the bestseller The Five Love Languages. In addition to his church educational responsibilities, Gary directs marriage seminars throughout the country and counsels married couples regularly. His other titles include The Five Love Languages of Children, Five Signs of a Functional Family, toward a Growing Marriage, and Hope for the Separated. Gary and his wife, Karolyn, have two children and live in North Carolina.
This is what he said, and I believe it is true;
In order for a wife to feel loved by her husband, she needs to make sure that her husband knows her love language. This includes;
- Words of affirmation: Some people are more attuned than others to hear both positive and negative words from those whose opinions they cherish. While negative, critical words can tear them down, positive, encouraging words make them flourish. According to Chapman, people with this love language need to hear their partner say, “I love you.” Even better is including the reasons behind the love through leaving them a voice message or a written note or talking to them directly with sincere words of kindness and affirmation.
- Acts of service: When acts of service is a person’s primary language, he or she interprets help as a sign of someone’s love. This language includes anything you do to ease the burden of responsibility, like picking kids up from school, vacuuming, running errands, going grocery shopping, or filling up the car with gas.
- Receiving gifts: The person who loves this language thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. In short, actions speak louder than words. These people thrive on gift-giving, and when they are given a gift, it fills their love tank. A single rosebud, a candle, or a note can go a long way toward filling the love tank of someone who understands love as giving gifts. The act of giving a gift tells your spouse you cared enough to think about him or her in advance and go out of your way to get something to make your partner smile
- Quality time: This language, says Chapman, is all about giving your partner your undivided attention. That means dropping everything to give them your full attention, in other words, no chores, no TV, no cell phone, etc. Other ways to spend time together could include, going for a walk, preparing dinner together and talking while preparing and eating it, sharing plans for the future, making love, and/or creating something together. Take time every day to do this to fill up their love tank.
- Physical touch: People who speak this love language thrive on any type of physical touch: Handholding, hugs, and snuggling. It is not about sex. “Dr. Chapman says”. Those actions spell love to those with this primary language. Physical touch is the most direct way to communicate love. It is crucial for the health and well-being of every human being.
What makes the love languages unique is that they are one of the few methods of extending love that is not self-serving because the giver isn’t looking for anything in return.
It simply means they’ve studied their partner and they want them to feel loved, but if you’re looking for the term love languages in the Bible, you’re not going to find it spelled that way.
There may not be a specific Scripture relating directly to each love language mentioned above but God has demonstrated his love for His children throughout the Bible in different manners.
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